Holographic One-Page Visas

Whilst travelling recently, and in pensive conjunction with travels before, I've noticed something bizarre. The smaller, less-developed, more backward, insignifcant countries seem to utilise more significant and shouty visa stamps.

Two countries i am thinking of - Mozambique and Yemen - have both used a whole page for the visa sticker that the country issues. Whereas the more confident nations like UK, Singapore, UAE, use a tiny 3cm dia. stamp in good old-fashioned ink. It's funny that the most complex, expensive, holographic visa stamps come from the poorest countries with appallingly bad airport security. I guess this phenomenon is simliar to the landed gentry in the UK for example not necessarily having a lot of 'bling' and keeping their money where it matters, in property and swiss back account - i.e. not buying huge sooped up luxury cars and enormous jewelry.

From the camel's mouth...

Well - you hear a lot of rumours, but the following is a few reliable-source close-to-perfect 'facts' from this strange place here - Dubai:

- Regarding the stoies about cars with keys being parked at the airport; it's true. The police have 7000 cars holed up in their stores from ex-pats running off back home leaving credit still payable on those cars.
- The oft-quoted figures from the government that there is an influx of 40 000 expats INTO the country every month is so unbelievably clearly complete bs as to be embarrassing. I mean - what would \+40 000 new people be doing here!?!
- Those in the know at higher levels expect the ex-pat population in Dubai to drop by around 35% by the end of the year.
- If you have debts here that you cannot pay off when u get made redundant, you are best skipping the country, not trying to come to an arrangement with the banks/state... you'll end up in the slammer.
- There are around 400 western expats in prison in the UAE for non-payments. Does that help? What is that going to change?!
- Something like 55% of JBR was bought and say half that as straight investment (no rental). Whereas in Abu Dhabi there is a lack of rental accommodation, the opposite is true here in Dubes; when you look around at night, it seems like 50-75% of the appartments are unoccupied.
- There is no free-press here in Dubai. Papers are fined if they publish articles percieved to be damaging to the UAE's image, even if true!

The weekend is the new weekend

Here in Dubai the following applies:... [get used to it if you're gonna live here!]

• Thursday is the new Friday; Thursday is the last day of the working week, so locals breathe a sigh of relief and expats head for the bars!
• Friday is the new Sunday; Everything is closed - woe betide you if you go out intending to visit something on this day.
  
• Saturday is still Saturday: Everything's open and you may well have a hangover. Except for the locals where Saturday is actually more like Monday as it's the 1st day of their working week!
• Sunday is the new Monday; this is the day when expats start the working week again. But to me it actually feels nice because it's still Sunday in my head, so doesn't feel like proper work!
  

Canned in the Land of Sand

So - I too have become a sufferer of the creditcrunchcrisiscrap...

My employers have made me redundant too, along with many other employees here in the gulf. I was at one point promised with a month-by-month possible increase in employment, but that seems to have either vanished, or to be honest faded in attractiveness as the birth of the mini Hoskin nears our shores.

[It's funny, that when one is made redundant, for me certainly - a huge weight of enthusiasm and responsibility falls off one's shoulders. Commitment to the employer all but disappears, and working hours become 'normal'!]

So - not 5 minutes had we unpacked (mostly) our shipping from the UK, before we will have to start thinking about packing them all up again and voyaging Europe-bound. The UAE is not a country you really want to hang around too long with no work, and the prospect of taking your last month's salary home, with no rent to pay for that month is too good to resist.

Given that we may have about 2 months left in this wonderful part of the world - now is the time to discover all that we can - let's be honest; the likelihood of coming back here to go to Yemen for a long weekend is pritty pritty pritty remote! So - now begins the long list of places to 'tick-off' before settling in Europe. There's Sanaa, Muscat again, Salalah, possibly Bahrain, Qatar, The Musandam, Wild Wadi etc...

Now is the time also for my parents to visit, and anyone else who wants to. They are due at the beginning of May - my Dad had better prepare his stomach for the gluttony present here!

It's sad to leave this region after such a brief sojurn, especially as Ingrid and I are such inquisitive people, and have really enjoyed exploring the area. But - hey ho, it's probably all happening for a reason, and i'm sure we'll be very happy with the new addition back in Europe!

Not sure about keeping this blog up n running, as i keep missing huge swathes of time, but we'll see - I still have to finish that Derek & Clive book by the end of the year!

Signing off - x Ed Venture

Somethings to know... about Dubes

OK - here , for starters are a few rules about living in Dubai to pay attention to: [hopefully they will help you avoid any delusions!]

- You can drink alcohol in lots of places
- The Emirates don't mind a drink
- There is a famous whorehouse in town in a muslim country
- It does actually get cold here in December/January
- If you scratch a hire car, call 999 and report an accident; otherwise you hire co will charge the earth
- Ask any service-oriented person to confirm what you think they said 3 times minimum
- Leave all your western driving standards behind
- It's not necessarily just locals who are the awful drivers; grumpy, fed-up westerners too!
- A G&T in an average bar will cost over £10, but you can buy cheap whisky bottles for £2.
- There are some very very skimpily dressed ladies wandering about, and they don't get arrested
- Just because that 28374 tonne lorry is in the outside lane does NOT mean he's about to take the next exit
- If you learn how to say a few basics in Arabic your life will be better
- Always carry with you copies of your driving licence, your visa page of passport, your main passport page, your work visa (or letter covering the application of it) with you..
- Apartments are expensive, even now.
- School fees for primary/elementary school will cost you a MINIMUM of 30,000 Dhs per child
- You don't walk in Duba
- Having a 'friday brunch' every friday will mean you'll get fat pretty quickly.
- The standard of food here is very good.
- There is plenty of curry to go around
- The main races you'll notice are: Emirates, British, South African, French, Irish, American, Pakistani, Bangladeshi and Indian (not in that order).
- Yes, it is illegal for unmarried couples to cohabit, but plenty are doing it.
- If you want to know what's going on, get a copy of Time Out.
- As I said; If you don't know already, learn a little about Islam. You should remember that this is a Muslim country, albeit one that makes many allowances for non-Muslims. Show respect for your hosts.
- Be aware that everything takes longer in Ramadan and certain restrictions apply.
- Get various documents notarised before you move to the UAE - marriage certificate, education certificates.
- Voltage is 220/240v. Plugs are UK style 3 pin.
- Summer is VERY hot and it can be chilly in winter, especially in the evenings. Bring a few jumpers.
- Ladies – please consider your attire. Skimpy tops and short skirts are not appropriate for anywhere except a beach, although as i said you WILL see it
- Whilst medical care is good and hospitals sophisticated, you must have good medical insurance as it can be costly. There is no state funded scheme for expats.
- The tap water is safe to drink, although many people prefer the taste of bottled water.
- Bouncing a cheque is illegal and can result in a spell in jail, a fine and possibly even deportation

Toodle pip!

Facebook Status - Ed Hoskin is depressed watching desperate middle-aged people

Last night was one of those parties (on the Palm in Dubai), where... I'm not actually there. Oh, I'm there physically, and even unfortunately mentally to some extent, but sorta spiritually?... no.

I'm (a childish) 36, and the average age of the partygoer last night must've been around 48. This presents a nasty crevasse in terms of age. Add to that; half of them were single, 90% of them were much richer than us and you have a horribly sad recipe that is bound to end, for me, in a depressing observation of the consequences of perhaps too much money..

To see 50-somethings, dancing to Bob Sinclair with 'sexy' gyratory 'moves' comin' at ya is a sight that no-one who's happily partnered-up or at least under 40 should see. Couple that with the dress-sense of the 'Dad' - aaarrrgggh. It's like some twisted, perverted, sick trick that one of my friends has played on me. Seriously - there was a guy there (probably a millionaire) dancing like David Brent, overweight, bright red Christmas jumper (in fact, he probably DID get it for Chrimbo!) - not to say my 'moves' are anything to write home about, but his were incredibly spasticated, with much a-grabbing of his muffin-top crotchal area... nice.

Problem with these kind of evening soirees is that it's a 40/50-something pick-up joint, so no-one wants to talk about anything with sincerity or about anything more that small talk. Well, if you're content in your love-life and not looking for either a) a rotund rich man who can help you out for the next 40 years, or b) a now-skinny, but eventually rotund lady with over-exposed legs who's happy to touch your ticket, the whole thing is a saddening bore... now i see why a dinner party with 4 couples one's own age is pretty damn good.

There was a lot of: fake tan, high heel, luscious food, guys dressed in work gear (what the f*ck else do they know, they don't DO anything else!), leg on show, fake enjoyment (you are 50, you're a skinny women, you have no kids, no husband, rich shallow friends, no future.... you are a failure), 'sexy' moves, honkeys over 35 dancing (should be illegal), old-skool dancing (and i mean old-skool as in 1950s, not 1983)

Great food, free booze, good(ish) music (great DJ and host i must point out), superb location + hollow guests = (for me) mental vacancy...

The murtabel was bloody good mind you!

Softly softly in Dubaiiiitt!

Well, the time had to come to try out the softball here in Dubai after passing so many wonderful summers in London playing mixed (co-ed) softball. Meteors 3 had been great to me, and it was a painful separation in a season where we finally managed to get promoted after falling down the year before (or possibly the one before that!). I won't not never forget the way we got that last out that got us promoted - scrappy but great throw from The Haymaker came into to myself at home, and a desperate tag took us to the virtual podium.. what a great feeling.

Well - that was Londres, and 'co-ed' softball is very different to man-softball, so it was with a tiny bit of trepidation that i turned up to the floodlit diamonds (count 2) just off Sheikh Zayed Road (junction 20). Many other English guys turned up (albeit with very little softball knowledge), and many Canadians. I got stuck straight in, and had a good bunch of big hits (with a lovely $500 bat). I also managed to squeeze my way onto the mound to do some pitching, and try and impress - der boy done good.
The Diamond was immaculate - the grass is like a cricket infield - and the cage and surrounding all in great condition. Of course the weather's always good, so this looks like a good thing to do in Dubes. Plus i quickly got to know a couple of Vancouverians, who seem cool, so the softball future looks rosy. The only drawback really is that it's not mixed, which is part of the attraction of the s-ball.

Ah yes, another drawback is that the possibility of organising a tournament between my beloved Meteors and a local bunch of teams seems unlikely.. sniff :'-(

The big plus though regarding the location of the pitch is that directly behind the hot dog stand, that also sells cheap beer, is the highlight of this area.... a brothel. Yep - a real brothel, where you shall find the best local Emirati prozzies. Nothing wrong with that of course, just don't get caught drinking a beer on the beach... ooh no!

Let's see how this season goes!