Fromage Null

Today - I am taking on one of the French cheeses. Not an easy task, and perhaps a foolhardy one, but enough is enough; too much criticism of Cheddar, with no fingers being pointed at a very very dull 'French' fromage.

The French (including my wife of course) are very protective of their food - we all know this, and usually their pride is well based and totally justified. They are certainly the best processors, presenters, and general constructors of food. However sometimes their self-satisfied smugness can have (swiss cheese type) holes in it. The one case i speak of is 'fromage rapé' ...

Fromage Rapé, which can be bought in any Geant, Carrefour, Casino, etc. is generally the term applied to grated Emmental cheese. The French use this product in the same way that we Brits will use a cheese grater and some cheddar; they use is for croque monsieurs, for gratin vegetables, for pizza, for pasta, for anything where basically a cheese (easy-melting) topping is required.

BUT!:
1. It's a very average cheese! The taste is very un-cheesy, reminiscent of gluey petrol or very very mild cheddar
2. It is a SWISS cheese - the very thought of the French using a Swiss cheese every day>!?! The cheese originally comes from the Canton of Bern.
3. It doesn't grill very well, although it melts well enough in delicious Fondue!
4. It's not meant for pizza - that's MOZZARELLA (it's ... Italian.... like the pizza itself!)
5. It's not meant for pasta - that's Parmesan (it's also... Italian... like pasta!)

I think if the French used cheddar instead (before moving onto Stilton, Wensleydale, etc.), they would find it a lot more useful and tasty, with better melting qualities.

Come on Frenchies - throw down this plastic, tasteless cheese!! Pick up a great grilling cheese and use it. Emmental has it's uses, but it's about as tasty as Australian 'Mild Coon' cheese... There - I said it. x Ed Venture

'i' vs 'I'

The little 'i'

Why do we use 'I' to signify ourselves? Are we that important above all others that we we you a capital I and not a lower case i? Myself, i try to use a lower case to signify that 'i' am like 'him' or 'you', not 'You' or 'Her'. Where does this oddity come from? After a bit of research, i found a sisters-and -brothers-in-thought!:

"There's also the political. I was always bothered by the fact that the first person singular pronoun is capitalized in english - i always thought it was quite self-righteous. Or, as Douglas Adams noted, "Capital letters were always the best way of dealing with things you didn't have a good answer to." Ever since i was a kid, i was told that the world does not revolve around me, yet our written culture is telling me something entirely different. Why not capitalize 'we' or 'they'?"

"So, i started researching where the capitalization of said pronoun came from and was quite stunned to find that it was always capitalized because it always appeared as the first word in a sentence, never stuck in the middle. And then, when it started appearing in the middle, it started getting capitalized out of convention and because people worried that it would get lost in script. Of course, "It's odd, and a little unsettling, to reflect upon the fact that English is the only major language in which "I" is capitalized; in many other languages "You" is capitalized and the "i" is lower case" (journalist Sydney J. Harris).", http://www.danah.org/name.html

So it seems Douglas Adams, and Sydney Harris and this girl thought about the same quirk.

Entre Les Murs et films

Films - are somewhat censored over here, although one doesn't notice it. I haven't check whether they employ a Bangladeshi to scribble over any stray nipple that escapes from clothing (as they do in magazines over here!).

Tonight (I think) is the last night of the Dubai Film Festival (In UAE Hyperbole, The Biggest FF in the world after Cannes, Sundance.......), which is in its 5th year and seemingly successful - although if i were the organisers, i would arrange it in the summer time; a period where cinema would seem like a comfortable option for evening entertainment in the searing heat of 47 degrees.

I noticed that there was a French film showing - in fact the first winner of the Palme d'Or in Cannes for 21 years. 'Entre Les Murs [The Class]'. It was a proper screening, meaning that the Director was there along with, i think, two producers. It's basically a year in the life of a difficult class in a difficult school in a difficult neighbourhood around Paris. The interesting thing about the movie is that none of the cast are actors; they all come from the school itself, and most interestingly the teacher is not an actor, he is the author of the book from which the film is taken, and was also a teacher for ten years before he wrote the book. This all makes for very absorbing watching, and I was gripped all the way through, but in the end i was slightly disappointed; I didn't see the point of the movie.

If the film's point was the 'process' by which it came into being, then I'm afraid for me that's a bit like some modern art where one is supposed to look at the process by which this ugly piece of work came into being and not its manifestation. I believe that maybe 'art' as 'art' cannot be defined by anyone, but don't expect anyone to like your end result neccessarily, just because your process is so 'fantastic'. When that piece of art ( and in this case a film ) is up on display, no-one cares about the method.. just the end result.

So it was a bit the same with this film for me; a year in the life of some kids in a hard school... AND? I mean most of us had shitty kids on our classes at school - telling the teacher to 'piss off', throwing stuff around the class, walking out of class, throwing each other out of windows, etc. And my school was a pretty nice countryside comp. There's a very weak plot about a Malian boy who may-or-may-not get expelled, and that's supposed to be emotionally heart-yearning? Nope... In conclusion; a pretty incredible film with great performances, but saying nothing shocking or new, too long, and it left me wanting more.

In discussion with my Frenchie wife, I pondered whether the fact that in the UK we had 'Grange Hill' had not informed most of us from this generation about how crap school life can be? I mean from the age of around eight up to about 16 we were watching all manner of things going on in a very mixed, quite poor London school (it wasn't a programme that mother wanted us to watch!) - fights, bullying, money problems, smoking, drugs (incl. heroin - see Zammo), sex... Suffice to say there was not 'Le Colline de la Grange' in Horseland across the channel.

Let's hope that for the sixth year of the festival, it gets even better with more interesting films and more of a global profile (and more nipples).

Ed Venture [Oscar for Best supporting forward roll]

Encapsulating Days 1-11! (part 8)

Beaches

In a place where the beaches are all new, the sea is 'new', the water is crystal clear; people who frequent the beaches seem to think that it's fine to throw all manner of stuff on the beach, even bin bags full of rubbish! It's a sad thing to see, when it seems such a precious balance between all this crazy development and the aquamarine water of the (Indian?) Ocean?

Apparently we've also heard that when you dive the tip of the peninsula there is sometimes oil in or on the beautiful water, due to : Oil tankers in the gulf, washing out the remnants of their hulls into the sea... NICE! F****rs. We look forward to that one.... (we are going to dive the Musandam over Christmas)

In some way over here, especially at the Marina JBR beach, it's just like East Coast Australia (i.e. Surfers' Paradise. Perfectly OK beaches with enormous ugly skyscrapers behind blocking out some sun, and no character at all.

When you look closely at the sand to see what's in it, you find small lumps of concrete from construction work, some reasonably large shells, some fag butts and that's about it. The sand IS white-ish and soft, and the sea IS warm and clear (for the moment). It's all like it a scene from that Arnie film where he pays for a virtual holiday..

Mind Your Language!

I think one might call this 'Hinglish' - this is a letter that i received at work recently. And I am supposed to understand this...

Dear Ed!
I could't understand from the attached pictures and your mail, what really you want to ask. To me its a GRAY question. Anyway, what I understood, probably you want to ask some justification/reason for cutting shown in beams' concreting, if it is so, I like to inform that this is for passing of Electrical and Mechanical Conduits/Pipes through these beams; either from one room's Ground slab to the neighbouring room Ground salb and/or from one room ground slab to enter into the wall; being flush with the wall surface. As a matter of practice, of course, exact size sleives are placed in position before casting, but for this case,i.e; in case of Villa xx, Plot No. xx, Many of the Coordination drawings are missing by the times Contractor is reaching at the execution stage of any particular section, like the case of Tie Beams here. By the time of Casting of these Tie Beams, details for Home Automation Conduits layout, Electrical Conduits' Layout etc was missing, so Openings were allowed to xxxCO/A.N.Other more in size and number to accomodate the expected incoming details. I hope this all will clear the situation, specification reference answer and practice reply; once for all, for all such situations for any of such quarries. For any more Quarry, you or any of your representative is most Wellcome please. Thanks

Tough...

Document M not far enough (pt.2)

Another sadly unpublished letter to BD:
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Dear Sir

Re: Document M not far enough

Over Easter, which I spent in Cambridge (which is fortunately flat) with my family, holidays were discussed. During these discussions I realised that the Building Regulations / DDA recommendations do not go far enough.

As I understand the principles, in theory activities should be available to all, no matter their disability, colour, race, gender, sexual preference, etc: The DDA makes it ‘unlawful to discriminate against people in respect of their disabilities in relation to employment, the provision of goods and services, education and transport”.

Before my ‘accident’, I was a keen walker and lived near the Peak District. I used to enjoy walks along by Curbar Edge, and all through the Peaks. It is a wonderful area. However, after my disastrous heli-skiing trip to Chile, I was unable to walk and have since been confined to a wheelchair.

Being a disabled Architectural Assistant as well has very interesting consequences, as I’m sure you can understand (not many architects’ offices are Doc’ M compliant!). Now I, as a wheelchair-bound person, am not going to complain if a ramp is sloped at more than the prescribed amount, or whinge if the handrail is the wrong diameter, but I do have a rather more large-scale issue with the regulations.

I, as a human being, expect to be able to visit local attractions just like anybody else – but I believe that I am being denied that pleasure. My sister was speaking of her spring trip to Ben Nevis, where she climbed it by the harder ‘back’ route. My question – why am I being denied access to this and other outdoor national monuments? I would like to go to the top. I am fit, I am strong. I could easily climb a ramp of 1:8 to the top (I have done 1 in 6 as well). But apparently this is not a place I am welcome to! My family agreed that provision should be made for disabled persons to access the top.

I am considering launching a case against the relevant authorities, unless one of the following items are installed: an elevator, a minibus lift to the top, or most reasonably; a 1 in 20 (with relevant landings) ramp to the top, so those in wheelchairs can feel as though we have achieved something, and not been mollycoddled to the top. This third option is probably the easiest, with handrails (in a colour contrasting with the green grass, grey rocks, and white snow – I suggest orange). Also required would be call buttons for emergency assistance.

I hope that I have pushed some (red, contrasting) buttons in readers’ heads, and that action will follow. Personally, I think it’s a disgrace that we are being treated as museum oddities who are too busy living ‘disabled’ lives, to even think about going up Scafell Pike, or Helvellyn. I understand that this is a slightly controversial viewpoint, so I look forward to reading any responses.

Many regards, Richard K Tecte

Full English Contrast Issues

Unpublished (quelle surprise - bloody prejudice!) letter to BD
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Dear Sir

Re: Document M not far enough

Dealing with the building regulations on daily basis, and being confined to a wheelchair, my attention was drawn to a horrendous prejudice that permeates all strata of society, sounds humorous but painfully reflects the attitudes towards some minorities.

Before work the other day, I visited my local ‘caff’ and ordered a No.1 (two eggs, bacon, etc.) twice, for my partially sighted colour-blind friend Brian and I. This was the first time I had eaten a meal out with Brian for ages, and I was distressed to see what happened next.

Due to his colour blindness and partial sight, he could not distinguish between various items on the plate. He had trouble finding the mushrooms, and instead picked a piping-hot tomato; he scalded his lips. Had the food been arranged according to the 30% contrast rule (which is a standard approach in architecture to ensure that the partially-sighted can perceive doors, frames, handrails, etc.), Brian’s lips would be unscalded. I would suggest that the egg be placed ‘nex’’ the beans, and hash brown adjacent to the beans. There would have been a few items that couldn’t sit together; beans, bacon, sausages, tomatoes and mushrooms. I have suggested that Brian submits his medical receipts to the caff for repayment.
I realised immediately that this prejudice of course applies to all served and sold food; white rice on a white plate, allergies to certain foods – all these situations are potentially dangerous.

The supplier of the service has a responsibility to supply a product that can be used successfully by the public. I believe that colour contrast taken into account with served products like this. No matter how up-market the restaurant, they should all be serving food that works with the same contrast included in the DDA. LRV standards should be enforced throughout the restaurant business.

I hope I have exposed a painful depressing problem that can now be addresses by those with the power.

Many regards,
Richard K Tecte, Architectural Assistant, London

Encapsulating Days 1-11! (part 7 ;)

Oman - The classy side of the Peninsula (just typed Penisula by mistake and realised that could be a good word! Perhaps it describes one appendage in the bath when it sits there floating like a body peninsula?) So, being half-French, and not wanting to let any holiday periods go to waste, my wife and I decied to bugger off to Oman (the nearest and easiest neughbour of Dubai to get to) for about 5 days over the Muslamic festival of Eid. Eid (no.2, no.1 follows Ramadan) marks the Muslim celebration of Abraham's faith in God/Allah, demonstrated apparently by his willingness to sacrifice his son when asked to (at the last minute cheeky Allah put a goat in his place, and said basically, 'ok, well i see that you have faith in me'). All a bit twisted, like all the best organised religion's traditions, but there you go. It follows therefore that Muslims are required to slaughter a goat at this time of the year (which follows their lunar calendar, not the Western Gregorian one). Anyway, we set off driving to Oman (target: Muscat, and the a 3-day trip into the hinterland to see some of the best bits of Oman's north east area), and arrived in Muscat - checked into the English-run B&B (complete with REAL bacon, and properly made 'Cup o' tea'!

We were driven around by our great guide Abu (30 years in the Oman army, great 4x4 driver, smart, clued-up, open-minded), and saw many of the great sights of Oman (Wadi Shab, the Wahibi Sands, Turtle nesting, forts, etc.). It's a great country to visit from what I've seen, and apparently Al Salalah in the south is like Malaysia's Highlands so should be worth a visit this summer (a good escape from the searing UAE heat apparently).

Whislt driving, we managed to chat to Abu about pretty much anything to do with Oman, Islam, etc. and it was very interesting and comforting to find that all the same human issues that take place under the umbrella of 'Christian' countries defintely happen in the Islamic world too. Divorce, sex, illegality, prositutes, cheating - it's common to us all. The twisted view from Europe that one gets about Islam seems to be a long way from the truth, I mean Islam is just another fruitcake religion, like all the others, but yes it's the basis for society and laws are based upon its teeachings. However, this doesn't instantly make it bad, and all the things we hear about (7 wives, hand cutting-offs, lashings, treatment of women, the veil, etc.) are not as pictured. A few myths explained from my experience so far (possibly applies to Oman only, but Oman is not exactly a first world progressive country):

- Couples can divorce easily (and if you see your spouse cheating with your own eyes (and a witness), a marriage is automatically over - not the worst rule in the world)
- Women do not generally walk 20 paces behind their husband. They seem to spend most of their time either bollocking their husband, or giggling around clothes shopping with their girly friends (sound like anywhere familiar?!).
-The veil/burkha is worn in varying degrees. The most common way is to just cover the head but keep the face open - the reason for this is that once married, it is seen that she is to be seen in a lustful way only by her man; to show your wife off to all and sundry is seen as an invitation to let all the men perv over her. Personally, I'm not sure what I think about it all, but i know that to see them with just their face exposed is quite beautiful, and i know that my wife looked very nice dressed this way! [Also it does stop women dressing up in velour tracksuits and letting the rest of us deal with that ;) !

Another time, I'll write about the natural beauty of Oman (possibly after the next trip), but so far it has been good to us.

Yallah! (Oh yeah, we have started to learn bits and bobs of Arabic, which does help your impression upon others here, and it's nice to be able to speak some of the language and not just be an ignorant westerner)

Roly polies

The advent of 'time-saving devices' and it's relationship with obesity increase:

I've just watched a young family (that's a family that is in the early stages, not necessarily young parents with a kid, although describing parents as young could be said to be describing their age AS parents so perhaps all is well...) walk past our local internet cafe, Berts (a French chain apparently, so one must pronounce 'Bair-se', as opposed to the more Anglo-Saxo, 'Buurts') with their young daughter on a bike. Great - a bike; she's starting to learn about exercise, about balance, energy, muscle use, blah blah... Nope; this is an electric bicycle. Specially designed so little Tabatha doesn't have to strain any of her delicate muscles by using them to ride a bike. Thank Dog.

This reminded me of my idea of why we are all becoming more and more obese in general even though some of us drink Diet sodas, go to the gym, etc. ONE of the reasons, if you ask me, for that obesity is the rise of electrical powered stuff. Where men used to push their lawnmowers to cut the grass, they now drive it/or let it drive. Where housekeepers used to wash plates by hand, now they stretch their arms to fill the dishwasher. Where we used to cycle/walk to the local shop to get some milk, we either don't go to the local shop anyway OR we drive 500m to the shop. Are we really that lazy? Personally, when i have a garden in the future, i will be pushing my lawnmower just like my dear ol' Papa. I'm not proposing that we all drop all our electrical things, but look - keeping our bodies in shape can be about the little things we do; lifting heavy shopping, going up stairs instead of escalators at the airport, etc. etc.

Don't even get me started with people who take the lift in buildings to go from one floor to the next!

We're all going to end up like those people in the Incredibles.. roly poly fat &^%£s