Fromage Null

Today - I am taking on one of the French cheeses. Not an easy task, and perhaps a foolhardy one, but enough is enough; too much criticism of Cheddar, with no fingers being pointed at a very very dull 'French' fromage.

The French (including my wife of course) are very protective of their food - we all know this, and usually their pride is well based and totally justified. They are certainly the best processors, presenters, and general constructors of food. However sometimes their self-satisfied smugness can have (swiss cheese type) holes in it. The one case i speak of is 'fromage rapé' ...

Fromage Rapé, which can be bought in any Geant, Carrefour, Casino, etc. is generally the term applied to grated Emmental cheese. The French use this product in the same way that we Brits will use a cheese grater and some cheddar; they use is for croque monsieurs, for gratin vegetables, for pizza, for pasta, for anything where basically a cheese (easy-melting) topping is required.

BUT!:
1. It's a very average cheese! The taste is very un-cheesy, reminiscent of gluey petrol or very very mild cheddar
2. It is a SWISS cheese - the very thought of the French using a Swiss cheese every day>!?! The cheese originally comes from the Canton of Bern.
3. It doesn't grill very well, although it melts well enough in delicious Fondue!
4. It's not meant for pizza - that's MOZZARELLA (it's ... Italian.... like the pizza itself!)
5. It's not meant for pasta - that's Parmesan (it's also... Italian... like pasta!)

I think if the French used cheddar instead (before moving onto Stilton, Wensleydale, etc.), they would find it a lot more useful and tasty, with better melting qualities.

Come on Frenchies - throw down this plastic, tasteless cheese!! Pick up a great grilling cheese and use it. Emmental has it's uses, but it's about as tasty as Australian 'Mild Coon' cheese... There - I said it. x Ed Venture

'i' vs 'I'

The little 'i'

Why do we use 'I' to signify ourselves? Are we that important above all others that we we you a capital I and not a lower case i? Myself, i try to use a lower case to signify that 'i' am like 'him' or 'you', not 'You' or 'Her'. Where does this oddity come from? After a bit of research, i found a sisters-and -brothers-in-thought!:

"There's also the political. I was always bothered by the fact that the first person singular pronoun is capitalized in english - i always thought it was quite self-righteous. Or, as Douglas Adams noted, "Capital letters were always the best way of dealing with things you didn't have a good answer to." Ever since i was a kid, i was told that the world does not revolve around me, yet our written culture is telling me something entirely different. Why not capitalize 'we' or 'they'?"

"So, i started researching where the capitalization of said pronoun came from and was quite stunned to find that it was always capitalized because it always appeared as the first word in a sentence, never stuck in the middle. And then, when it started appearing in the middle, it started getting capitalized out of convention and because people worried that it would get lost in script. Of course, "It's odd, and a little unsettling, to reflect upon the fact that English is the only major language in which "I" is capitalized; in many other languages "You" is capitalized and the "i" is lower case" (journalist Sydney J. Harris).", http://www.danah.org/name.html

So it seems Douglas Adams, and Sydney Harris and this girl thought about the same quirk.

Entre Les Murs et films

Films - are somewhat censored over here, although one doesn't notice it. I haven't check whether they employ a Bangladeshi to scribble over any stray nipple that escapes from clothing (as they do in magazines over here!).

Tonight (I think) is the last night of the Dubai Film Festival (In UAE Hyperbole, The Biggest FF in the world after Cannes, Sundance.......), which is in its 5th year and seemingly successful - although if i were the organisers, i would arrange it in the summer time; a period where cinema would seem like a comfortable option for evening entertainment in the searing heat of 47 degrees.

I noticed that there was a French film showing - in fact the first winner of the Palme d'Or in Cannes for 21 years. 'Entre Les Murs [The Class]'. It was a proper screening, meaning that the Director was there along with, i think, two producers. It's basically a year in the life of a difficult class in a difficult school in a difficult neighbourhood around Paris. The interesting thing about the movie is that none of the cast are actors; they all come from the school itself, and most interestingly the teacher is not an actor, he is the author of the book from which the film is taken, and was also a teacher for ten years before he wrote the book. This all makes for very absorbing watching, and I was gripped all the way through, but in the end i was slightly disappointed; I didn't see the point of the movie.

If the film's point was the 'process' by which it came into being, then I'm afraid for me that's a bit like some modern art where one is supposed to look at the process by which this ugly piece of work came into being and not its manifestation. I believe that maybe 'art' as 'art' cannot be defined by anyone, but don't expect anyone to like your end result neccessarily, just because your process is so 'fantastic'. When that piece of art ( and in this case a film ) is up on display, no-one cares about the method.. just the end result.

So it was a bit the same with this film for me; a year in the life of some kids in a hard school... AND? I mean most of us had shitty kids on our classes at school - telling the teacher to 'piss off', throwing stuff around the class, walking out of class, throwing each other out of windows, etc. And my school was a pretty nice countryside comp. There's a very weak plot about a Malian boy who may-or-may-not get expelled, and that's supposed to be emotionally heart-yearning? Nope... In conclusion; a pretty incredible film with great performances, but saying nothing shocking or new, too long, and it left me wanting more.

In discussion with my Frenchie wife, I pondered whether the fact that in the UK we had 'Grange Hill' had not informed most of us from this generation about how crap school life can be? I mean from the age of around eight up to about 16 we were watching all manner of things going on in a very mixed, quite poor London school (it wasn't a programme that mother wanted us to watch!) - fights, bullying, money problems, smoking, drugs (incl. heroin - see Zammo), sex... Suffice to say there was not 'Le Colline de la Grange' in Horseland across the channel.

Let's hope that for the sixth year of the festival, it gets even better with more interesting films and more of a global profile (and more nipples).

Ed Venture [Oscar for Best supporting forward roll]

Encapsulating Days 1-11! (part 8)

Beaches

In a place where the beaches are all new, the sea is 'new', the water is crystal clear; people who frequent the beaches seem to think that it's fine to throw all manner of stuff on the beach, even bin bags full of rubbish! It's a sad thing to see, when it seems such a precious balance between all this crazy development and the aquamarine water of the (Indian?) Ocean?

Apparently we've also heard that when you dive the tip of the peninsula there is sometimes oil in or on the beautiful water, due to : Oil tankers in the gulf, washing out the remnants of their hulls into the sea... NICE! F****rs. We look forward to that one.... (we are going to dive the Musandam over Christmas)

In some way over here, especially at the Marina JBR beach, it's just like East Coast Australia (i.e. Surfers' Paradise. Perfectly OK beaches with enormous ugly skyscrapers behind blocking out some sun, and no character at all.

When you look closely at the sand to see what's in it, you find small lumps of concrete from construction work, some reasonably large shells, some fag butts and that's about it. The sand IS white-ish and soft, and the sea IS warm and clear (for the moment). It's all like it a scene from that Arnie film where he pays for a virtual holiday..

Mind Your Language!

I think one might call this 'Hinglish' - this is a letter that i received at work recently. And I am supposed to understand this...

Dear Ed!
I could't understand from the attached pictures and your mail, what really you want to ask. To me its a GRAY question. Anyway, what I understood, probably you want to ask some justification/reason for cutting shown in beams' concreting, if it is so, I like to inform that this is for passing of Electrical and Mechanical Conduits/Pipes through these beams; either from one room's Ground slab to the neighbouring room Ground salb and/or from one room ground slab to enter into the wall; being flush with the wall surface. As a matter of practice, of course, exact size sleives are placed in position before casting, but for this case,i.e; in case of Villa xx, Plot No. xx, Many of the Coordination drawings are missing by the times Contractor is reaching at the execution stage of any particular section, like the case of Tie Beams here. By the time of Casting of these Tie Beams, details for Home Automation Conduits layout, Electrical Conduits' Layout etc was missing, so Openings were allowed to xxxCO/A.N.Other more in size and number to accomodate the expected incoming details. I hope this all will clear the situation, specification reference answer and practice reply; once for all, for all such situations for any of such quarries. For any more Quarry, you or any of your representative is most Wellcome please. Thanks

Tough...

Document M not far enough (pt.2)

Another sadly unpublished letter to BD:
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Dear Sir

Re: Document M not far enough

Over Easter, which I spent in Cambridge (which is fortunately flat) with my family, holidays were discussed. During these discussions I realised that the Building Regulations / DDA recommendations do not go far enough.

As I understand the principles, in theory activities should be available to all, no matter their disability, colour, race, gender, sexual preference, etc: The DDA makes it ‘unlawful to discriminate against people in respect of their disabilities in relation to employment, the provision of goods and services, education and transport”.

Before my ‘accident’, I was a keen walker and lived near the Peak District. I used to enjoy walks along by Curbar Edge, and all through the Peaks. It is a wonderful area. However, after my disastrous heli-skiing trip to Chile, I was unable to walk and have since been confined to a wheelchair.

Being a disabled Architectural Assistant as well has very interesting consequences, as I’m sure you can understand (not many architects’ offices are Doc’ M compliant!). Now I, as a wheelchair-bound person, am not going to complain if a ramp is sloped at more than the prescribed amount, or whinge if the handrail is the wrong diameter, but I do have a rather more large-scale issue with the regulations.

I, as a human being, expect to be able to visit local attractions just like anybody else – but I believe that I am being denied that pleasure. My sister was speaking of her spring trip to Ben Nevis, where she climbed it by the harder ‘back’ route. My question – why am I being denied access to this and other outdoor national monuments? I would like to go to the top. I am fit, I am strong. I could easily climb a ramp of 1:8 to the top (I have done 1 in 6 as well). But apparently this is not a place I am welcome to! My family agreed that provision should be made for disabled persons to access the top.

I am considering launching a case against the relevant authorities, unless one of the following items are installed: an elevator, a minibus lift to the top, or most reasonably; a 1 in 20 (with relevant landings) ramp to the top, so those in wheelchairs can feel as though we have achieved something, and not been mollycoddled to the top. This third option is probably the easiest, with handrails (in a colour contrasting with the green grass, grey rocks, and white snow – I suggest orange). Also required would be call buttons for emergency assistance.

I hope that I have pushed some (red, contrasting) buttons in readers’ heads, and that action will follow. Personally, I think it’s a disgrace that we are being treated as museum oddities who are too busy living ‘disabled’ lives, to even think about going up Scafell Pike, or Helvellyn. I understand that this is a slightly controversial viewpoint, so I look forward to reading any responses.

Many regards, Richard K Tecte

Full English Contrast Issues

Unpublished (quelle surprise - bloody prejudice!) letter to BD
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Dear Sir

Re: Document M not far enough

Dealing with the building regulations on daily basis, and being confined to a wheelchair, my attention was drawn to a horrendous prejudice that permeates all strata of society, sounds humorous but painfully reflects the attitudes towards some minorities.

Before work the other day, I visited my local ‘caff’ and ordered a No.1 (two eggs, bacon, etc.) twice, for my partially sighted colour-blind friend Brian and I. This was the first time I had eaten a meal out with Brian for ages, and I was distressed to see what happened next.

Due to his colour blindness and partial sight, he could not distinguish between various items on the plate. He had trouble finding the mushrooms, and instead picked a piping-hot tomato; he scalded his lips. Had the food been arranged according to the 30% contrast rule (which is a standard approach in architecture to ensure that the partially-sighted can perceive doors, frames, handrails, etc.), Brian’s lips would be unscalded. I would suggest that the egg be placed ‘nex’’ the beans, and hash brown adjacent to the beans. There would have been a few items that couldn’t sit together; beans, bacon, sausages, tomatoes and mushrooms. I have suggested that Brian submits his medical receipts to the caff for repayment.
I realised immediately that this prejudice of course applies to all served and sold food; white rice on a white plate, allergies to certain foods – all these situations are potentially dangerous.

The supplier of the service has a responsibility to supply a product that can be used successfully by the public. I believe that colour contrast taken into account with served products like this. No matter how up-market the restaurant, they should all be serving food that works with the same contrast included in the DDA. LRV standards should be enforced throughout the restaurant business.

I hope I have exposed a painful depressing problem that can now be addresses by those with the power.

Many regards,
Richard K Tecte, Architectural Assistant, London

Encapsulating Days 1-11! (part 7 ;)

Oman - The classy side of the Peninsula (just typed Penisula by mistake and realised that could be a good word! Perhaps it describes one appendage in the bath when it sits there floating like a body peninsula?) So, being half-French, and not wanting to let any holiday periods go to waste, my wife and I decied to bugger off to Oman (the nearest and easiest neughbour of Dubai to get to) for about 5 days over the Muslamic festival of Eid. Eid (no.2, no.1 follows Ramadan) marks the Muslim celebration of Abraham's faith in God/Allah, demonstrated apparently by his willingness to sacrifice his son when asked to (at the last minute cheeky Allah put a goat in his place, and said basically, 'ok, well i see that you have faith in me'). All a bit twisted, like all the best organised religion's traditions, but there you go. It follows therefore that Muslims are required to slaughter a goat at this time of the year (which follows their lunar calendar, not the Western Gregorian one). Anyway, we set off driving to Oman (target: Muscat, and the a 3-day trip into the hinterland to see some of the best bits of Oman's north east area), and arrived in Muscat - checked into the English-run B&B (complete with REAL bacon, and properly made 'Cup o' tea'!

We were driven around by our great guide Abu (30 years in the Oman army, great 4x4 driver, smart, clued-up, open-minded), and saw many of the great sights of Oman (Wadi Shab, the Wahibi Sands, Turtle nesting, forts, etc.). It's a great country to visit from what I've seen, and apparently Al Salalah in the south is like Malaysia's Highlands so should be worth a visit this summer (a good escape from the searing UAE heat apparently).

Whislt driving, we managed to chat to Abu about pretty much anything to do with Oman, Islam, etc. and it was very interesting and comforting to find that all the same human issues that take place under the umbrella of 'Christian' countries defintely happen in the Islamic world too. Divorce, sex, illegality, prositutes, cheating - it's common to us all. The twisted view from Europe that one gets about Islam seems to be a long way from the truth, I mean Islam is just another fruitcake religion, like all the others, but yes it's the basis for society and laws are based upon its teeachings. However, this doesn't instantly make it bad, and all the things we hear about (7 wives, hand cutting-offs, lashings, treatment of women, the veil, etc.) are not as pictured. A few myths explained from my experience so far (possibly applies to Oman only, but Oman is not exactly a first world progressive country):

- Couples can divorce easily (and if you see your spouse cheating with your own eyes (and a witness), a marriage is automatically over - not the worst rule in the world)
- Women do not generally walk 20 paces behind their husband. They seem to spend most of their time either bollocking their husband, or giggling around clothes shopping with their girly friends (sound like anywhere familiar?!).
-The veil/burkha is worn in varying degrees. The most common way is to just cover the head but keep the face open - the reason for this is that once married, it is seen that she is to be seen in a lustful way only by her man; to show your wife off to all and sundry is seen as an invitation to let all the men perv over her. Personally, I'm not sure what I think about it all, but i know that to see them with just their face exposed is quite beautiful, and i know that my wife looked very nice dressed this way! [Also it does stop women dressing up in velour tracksuits and letting the rest of us deal with that ;) !

Another time, I'll write about the natural beauty of Oman (possibly after the next trip), but so far it has been good to us.

Yallah! (Oh yeah, we have started to learn bits and bobs of Arabic, which does help your impression upon others here, and it's nice to be able to speak some of the language and not just be an ignorant westerner)

Roly polies

The advent of 'time-saving devices' and it's relationship with obesity increase:

I've just watched a young family (that's a family that is in the early stages, not necessarily young parents with a kid, although describing parents as young could be said to be describing their age AS parents so perhaps all is well...) walk past our local internet cafe, Berts (a French chain apparently, so one must pronounce 'Bair-se', as opposed to the more Anglo-Saxo, 'Buurts') with their young daughter on a bike. Great - a bike; she's starting to learn about exercise, about balance, energy, muscle use, blah blah... Nope; this is an electric bicycle. Specially designed so little Tabatha doesn't have to strain any of her delicate muscles by using them to ride a bike. Thank Dog.

This reminded me of my idea of why we are all becoming more and more obese in general even though some of us drink Diet sodas, go to the gym, etc. ONE of the reasons, if you ask me, for that obesity is the rise of electrical powered stuff. Where men used to push their lawnmowers to cut the grass, they now drive it/or let it drive. Where housekeepers used to wash plates by hand, now they stretch their arms to fill the dishwasher. Where we used to cycle/walk to the local shop to get some milk, we either don't go to the local shop anyway OR we drive 500m to the shop. Are we really that lazy? Personally, when i have a garden in the future, i will be pushing my lawnmower just like my dear ol' Papa. I'm not proposing that we all drop all our electrical things, but look - keeping our bodies in shape can be about the little things we do; lifting heavy shopping, going up stairs instead of escalators at the airport, etc. etc.

Don't even get me started with people who take the lift in buildings to go from one floor to the next!

We're all going to end up like those people in the Incredibles.. roly poly fat &^%£s

Encapsulating Days 1-11! (part 6 ;)

The Du-man Show, starring Jim Mohammed Ali Carrey:

Dubai is a bit like (i imagine, and i have been told) Vegas. The glitz, glam, fakery, and buffets; and the other day after experiencing a few things that just didn't seem right, I was reminded of the Jim Carrey movie about a kind-0f fake life. In that film Jim "lives...in fact [in] a big studio with hidden cameras everywhere, and all his friends and people around him, are actors who play their roles" [imdb]. In the flic, he guesses something's up when he walks out into the street, and sees a stage/studio light in the middle of his suburban road. General experiences here have also made me wonder whether things here are real or not.

It seems to me that this place is really faking it. Granted the stuff you see IS real - the buffets are real; i can definitely taste their calorific goodness, the traffic accidents are real too, and so on. But here's the point - the idea here seems to be, to make things LOOK like they're all 100% finished, working, and backed-up with sound knowledge, researched fully, etc. when they are secretly not!

One example is the Dubai Mall - opened to a fanfare with a third of the shops open. Who knows if the rest will follow suit given the situation here now. But to the rest of the world - Dubai has just opened the BIGGEST mall in the world.

Another - asking a helpdesk in the second biggest mall (the Mall of The Emirates) when the Palm Fireworks display was starting. I was given the reply of 'Palm?....' (clueless look). 'Yeah - you know 'THE Palm', i said in my clearest English. 'Sorry sir - me no can help'. "You DON'T know the Palm?....o...k...". This guy had it all - a shiny Cherry veneer desk, a suit, a moustache, a pleasant attitude, eye-contact. Did he have anything to back that appearance up - you don'betcha he didn't not have...

So - the place is like one of those Cowboy film sets where all the facades are in place, but peek behnid them and you see rickety amateur framework 'holding' it all up.

Bisoux mes amis - a bientot

ps: By the way "non-veneerists" is one of the things where you search on Google and only one result comes up - I thought the word sort of relates to this posting...

Encapsulating Days 1-11! (part 5 ;)

Architecture - Part One:

'Dubai - what a nightmare city for architecture. Have you seen the Burj - what a nightmare, how inelegant is that? Seen the triangular Emirates Towers.. cough; splutter! So basic... we were doing that back in the 80s.. huh; looks like a bad American city! And that Burj Al Arab; hehe what a joke - how can you build a 'sketch'; symbolism gone mad', etc etc - A.N.Architect, 2007.

Well the reality is that when you arrive here you realise immediately that these buildings that we scornfully snobulise over from our desks in London are by far and away the best of the crop here in Dubai. I mean, the Emirates Towers are VERY successful, the Burj Al Arab is a wonderful symbol that also acts as an excellent marker in the dross of the Dubes skyline, and the Burj (Tower) is actually pretty graceful (shock! - it has the same cladding ALL over it!). 95% of the willy-enlarging towers here are AWFUL - I mean awfully awful, especially when you imagine that the designers were actually probably trying to make their tower individual... It is like the late 80s never happened. Gold cladding, pomo exterior facade make-ups, 'porches', 'bronze'... it's bad i promise.

The Burj Dubai appears like an emerging Terminator from the rubble of its base development, and actually manages to look smaller than it is (maybe it's the context, but I think it's the clever use of the tapering form).

Once you are immersed within the Dubai 'situation' you realise that the Burj Al Arab is actually very smart from the outside; it's the 'postcard' building, Joe Bloggs can draw it on a piece of paper, and it's elegant. Just don't go inside of course.

As someone once explained to me - the Emirates Towers are successful in that they comprise of many different angles - therefore at any one time, one face is pretty much always reflecting towards you, and the other provide interesting glancing light efffects. They are one of the best Dubai buildings in the night time too, when this whole place visually works. Like all of the New World cities - they look very average during the day, and beautiful at night when you can't see their outside faces.

Pretty much all of Paris, London, Prague, etc. look gorgeous night or day. Ciao - Ed Venture

[Interlude - farting Newton laws]

"the law of conservation of energy states that the total amount of energy in an isolated system remains constant" - How do we apply this, or how does this apply to farts?

One should notice that the world of farting this law is particularly evident and relevant. In any given fart (and this is obvious before release) the energy is shared amongst 4 different outputs:

1. Sound energy (the 'raspberry')
2. Smell energy (not actually sure this exists.. but let's assume it does!)
3. Kinetic energy (power of the fart, which hence gives noise and smell projection qualities)
4. Heat energy (forgotten the tech' name for this! - the 'warm fart')

Therefore certain things can be said:

-A slow, moving, sneaky, hot fart WILL smell
-A noisy, cold fart will often NOT smell

Etc. etc. Just thought you'd like to know...any further contribution very welcome

Encapsulating Days 1-11! (part 4 ;)

Next subject: Drink

After a long, hot day, in this kind of environment with plenty of stresses and confusions thrown at you - what does an Englishman hanker for? Yep - an open-air, terrace, feet-up, cold.. BEER. Well - t'aint that simple....

To drink alcohol (as you may know) in this country (or this state to be exact), you need a licence, right. That licence can be held by you as an individual, or also commonly by a bar (in a hotel). If you want to BUY alcohol, you need that licence. To get that licence you need to be a resident, or on a working visa. So that means that your drinking possibilities are pretty much limited to the hotel bars, where a G&T costs typically 12 quid, and a beer 5!

I'm sure this will all change when i get my licence, and an apartment, but for now, out of necessity, I am on a beer-free (virtually!) diet; probably losing weight.

One must (I s'pose!) talk of other drinks: typically juices are great (like most of the world these days), Moroccan type tea is everywhere, some weird soft drinks (like Root Beer, 100 Plus, "Something Sweat"... etc.), and many zero % beers (not actually too bad, considering).

Drinking & Driving: It's a big NO NO. You get caught - you go in the slammer; pretty much without exception (unless you know Sheikh Bin..... Zayed Mohd....). So everyone plans their night out with that in mind. It's tricky for us Europeans... but yep; it's a good thing overall of course.

Tea or Coffee, Tea or coffee?
At my place of work (a site office on a construction project in the middle of nowhere), there are Tea Wallahs - yes, Pakistani/Indian guys ready to make you a cup o' tea or a coffee at the touch of a buzzer. Problem is... tea needs to be made very particularly for us English men, coffee i suppose less so, and these lovely guys have a very very basic grasp of English. Anyway - the conclusion is that I'm kinda getting used to very sweet tea made with powdered milk... i hope I don't get totally used to it!

Signing off... The Ed Venture

Encapsulating Days 1-11! (part 3 ;)

Next subject - very dear to my heart: FOOD!

Well; as it's probably the most important thing about a country for me, I made sure that I verified the quality of grub in this possibly-McDubai place. My reliable food source, Kish, told me not to worry, and so far - he has been dead right; very high quality tasty stuff for ok prices.

There seems to be a selection of food as wide as the Indian Ocean, and most of it inspired by India/Pakistan. Fortunately for a Brit like myself, who was worried about missing my good ol' "English" curry, the lovely stuff is everywhere; gawd bless the influx of Pakistanis who build all the projects we design AND bring the best food here as well! The legendary place here for ExPats to get a fix seems to be Ravi's in Satwa - it is brilliant! You know from the wafting walk beside the tandoor and meat prep that the food'll be great. The obvious high turnover of European and Indian customers is a classic sign of top-notch nice nosh. It doesn't dissapoint - slightly different to UK (i.e. Bangladeshi curries) style 'Indian' food; everything seems to be a hit. There's lots of bone used, which gives more flavour and a bit more thickening to the gravies; ooh I'm hungry right now! Try the Chicken Peshwari (nothing like a Peshwari naan)!

Beyond my Indian subcontinent obsession, there's every other type of food available. The horror that is the air-conditioned food court (which feels like you should be shopping at Poundland just before) is actually quite a good experience, adn something to get used to in Dubes. There are some bad restos and some great ones - it's early days, so I have a very limited knowledge!

Meals are usually not enjoyed with a cool beer - a great shame, when the temperature is PERFECT! But then, in this hyprocritical society, where you can be greedy, have many wives and make them dress restrictively - you're not allowed to enjoy a nice cool beer au plein air... hmmm

I could write and write and write about food (and i will do in the coming months), but I'll leave it here for the moment, and let you imagine... ciao

Encapsulating Days 1-11! (part 2 ;)

Weather:

'Everyday; hot 'n' sunny...ain't that neat?!', Bill Hicks. Well, Bill was talking about L.A. and what a fake, 'neat' place it is. Well - if you've jsut come from the UK and you were anticipating the usual grey 5 months ahead, Dubai's autumn temperatures are just what the good doctor ordered. We arrived early November, and it's been around 30 degrees C every day, sunny and perfect. Sure - after a few months, we'll prob yearn for a cold frosty morning; solution? Go to the Ski Dubai - ONLY JOKING!

Apparently - you DO get fog some mornings (hence the horrible 200-car pile-up), and the pollution varies in visibility, but generally it's awfully nice to wake up to sunny, blue skies, when you come from a country where blue in the sky is a rarity.

The sun sets and rises ar around 6am and 6pm, which is actually ok, because the whole place looks 10 times better at night, when you can't really see the cranes, the sand, the barren building sites, or the pollution!

We have arrived at the right time of year; the temperature is gradually going slightly downwards, and then upwards towards the hell that is summer in the UAE. 50 degrees and humid is not something we look forward to!

Encapsulating Days 1-11! (part 1 ;)

WELCOME TO MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT BLOGGING!!

What a time/place to start writing a blog - a move to the place of moment, the only place that seems to be reasonably immune from the recession rocking the world (and my chosen industry - construction). My new wife and I moved here both with jobs to earn some cash, get out of depressed Europe and experience something new... let's see how we get on. Hopefully in this blog you'll read about this place, life, ideas, philosophies and other such stuff, and be amused... i dunno; take it as it cums.
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The arrival at Dubai Int'l was not exactly as written out in the Fairytale book of arrivals: I lost my iPod, SLR camera, and Lonely Planet - and after trying to report the loss in Dubai airport and failing, we got home into bed at 7am (3.30am landing.....)! Naiiice.

Terminal 3 is a pretty smooooth introduction to Dubai, and the enorrrrmous arrivals lounge (like some Pyramid basement littered with 1m wide columns) i guess says 'this is Dubai - we're f-in serious'. The security did not (contrary to popular wisdom) search my laptop and hard drive for topless shots, nor sniff me for a milligramme of cocaine, but stamped us for 60 days, and welcomed us in. All cool and groovy so far!

OK - so first subject: Driving! - Driving is something i love, i look forward to, i have done a fair bit, in lots of different conditions (sand, snow, etc.), but boy oh boy it AIN'T fun in Dubai... at ALL! If you've ever been/lived here, you'll understand that it's a nightmare; from the american junction layouts, to the poor signage, to the psychos in massive cars, the place is not-suprisingly the accident capital of the world - FACT!

General roads and signage: OK; the roads aren't finished, therefore they are still building,changing, modifying, realising they f*****d-up, altering - the road layouts. Therefore - the signage has to change almost everyday, and you never know (each day) whether you'll be going the same way to work. On top of this, there may be no actual sign for some enormous building that you need to get to (it also doesn;t help that: (i) taxi drivers don't know the city, and don't try, (ii) you can be 50m from a building and have to drive 2km to get there). All European towns, villages and cities pretty much evolved in their street plans and weren't designed - they work; is it because the progress is too quick that this place's road system is soooo up the shitt*r? If you miss a turn (for say a sports stadium or a mall, etc.) you have another 5km to drive, and another 15 mins to waste; i.e. it's a nightmare that you have to get used to.

Styles of driving: Errr... there's only one; dangerous. EVERYBODY undertakes, there seems to be no law governing undertaking (at whatever speed!). I have seen (from the traffic lights) taxis pull away at a green light, and cut across two lanes to go left in front of me when I am going striaght ahead.!... psychos! Dubai is the accident capital (road) of the world - imagine 7 lanes of jam-packed traffic going 130km/h, each 5m behind the car in front. If you check on you-tube there is a video of the massive 2008 pile-up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coM5MikLQy4

Taxis: ... are a nightmare: If you're used to UK black cabs, you'll be depressed by the taxi service here. Granted, they are being paid around 1/20th of my (fairly average) UAE salary, but that doesn't excuse: (i) Rudeness - they don't basically speak, (ii) Ignorance - they have NO IDEA how to get anywhere, except airport, trade centre, old town, etc. Give them an address? No hope (iii) they drive like psychos... You need a car; get one; it's better that way.

The cars: The logic is - i suppose - get a bigger car, you'll be safer, and your penis will get larger when everyone sees how much money and ego you have; i dunno. You can also increase your girth/length by: (i) tinting your windows to the max, so you appear exclusive/msyterious, (ii) leave the keys in the ignition in a car park to show how confident you are (example case 1 - a black/yellow, brand new Hummer parked with keys in the ignition - wtf!?), (iii) Beep at people in front of you when the lights go green, to show how 'dumb' everyone else is, and you'rew the one who spotted the change from red-to-green. Perhaps it IS safer to have a big, tough car, that means that in that next 200-car pile-up you'll be only slightly dead, and reasonably fashionable.

OK - that's me done for today on the subject of driving in Dubes - see you next time folks for some more Dubai dissection ;)